The Alchemy of Making Choices

byAxel Perruchoud/June 13, 2021

Updated January 2024 – added a section on muscle testing. Revised the whole article.

Wants Vs Needs

Going through the ups and downs of life, one will realize soon enough that “what one wants” and “what one needs” are seriously not the same thing.

You’ve probably discovered on your own—and many times over—how unsatisfactory and short-lived getting what you want feels like. Sometimes, achieving a lifelong goal comes with an overwhelming emptiness that leaves us in disbelief. Furthermore, there is another distressing category of events where we can never get close to what we desire: no matter how much effort and sacrifice we make, it continually slips away as if moved by an uncanny force beyond understanding.

In all cases, we are left with the distasteful conclusion that we are either never valuing the right thing, have deceived ourselves into liking things we don’t actually enjoy, are stubbornly swimming against the current, or completely wrong all the time. I’ll let you choose which one is more appropriate.

After this humbling acknowledgment, it’s usual to sustain an introspective effort. How did I end up there? What happened for the situation to turn out like that? Is there something wrong with me? This is where I discovered that the root of many of my problems was completely different from the problems themselves. For instance, a dysfunctional desire to fit in might come from a lack of self-love. Who knows how many more unconscious patterns are ruling my life?

If we are poor arbiters of our own lives, having our choices unknowingly influenced by all kinds of unconscious emotional states, how should one make choices? Is there any way to assess the difference between a good or a bad choice before having to fully live through it? Or, more pessimistically, how to pick the least disastrous option out of many?

Some people assume that rationality is enough to weigh good and bad decisions. This can never work as the complexity of the world is such that it is impossible to take into account all factors, let alone weigh them objectively against each other. It’s true that rationality can reduce the complexity of making a decision, but we are more likely dismissing key factors instead of achieving some level of objectivity. For these reasons, rationality is clearly not a viable solution on its own.

This article will focus on the existential question of how to make choices assuming that factors like blind spots, self-deception, stubbornness, dysfunctional behaviors, and limited knowledge in an infinitely complex world are continually plaguing us around every corner.

Three Frameworks of Orientation

Let’s restate the problem: how do we orient ourselves away from “what we want” towards “what we need”? And how can we know what we need if we are subject to complex forms of self-deception?

I have been in many situations where I was unable to make decisions, being both completely lost or afraid of consequences down the line. Knowing I could not trust my intellect nor rely on my will, I had to find another way to orient myself. Out of desperation, I came up with the idea of deferring to different levels of intelligence that were not centered around the intellect or the will. After a bit of experimentation, I ended up differentiating three frameworks:

1) Unconscious orientation – listening to dreams and acting on their insights.
2) Mind-body-heart negotiation – balancing the four psychic functions with body responses.
3) Social feedback – outsourcing judgment by paying attention to social nonverbal cues.

I am now going to explain each of these frameworks separately.

Unconscious Orientation

If you are familiar with this website, you already know how much I value dream analysis. In short, dreams sketch future potentials of what could happen as well as providing compensation for our blind spots. If done genuinely and authentically (beware inflation!), dream analysis provides an invaluable basis to limit self-deception and orient ourselves in an impossibly complex world.

Therefore, the first thing I do in the morning is to engage to the best of my ability with my dreams to see if I am in or out of alignment with the unconscious, paying special attention to distressing dreams.

Some people won’t be convinced about the value of dream analysis and I respect that position. It is sadly true that poor dream interpretation might make matters worse so I do not recommend dream interpretation lightly. However, this website would not exist if I did not value the life-changing insights that can be gathered from dreams.

Mind-body-heart Negotiation – The Four Functions

In his typological model, Jung established there are four psychic functions available to apprehend reality (thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition) as well as two modes of adaptation (introversion and extraversion).

By mentioning these four functions, I am not interested in discussing typology as such. Rather, I am making a point that, if we have more than one avenue to apprehend reality, it becomes essential to become familiar with each of them. A concise summary can be found in the following quote:

So the first step is provided by the sensation function, that says, “There’s something there, there’s something really there; that’s real!” Sensation tells us that. It’s a fact. Then the thinking function will tell us what it is, what category of understanding is to be attached to it. The feeling function tells us whether we like it or not. And intuition tells us where it came from, where it’s going, what it’s good for and what connections it may have. If one applies all four procedures to a newly emerging content then that would correspond to fixing it on the fourfold cross, so to speak, and once that’s taken place it’s not likely to drop out of consciousness; it’s been nailed into consciousness and it’s going to stay there.
Edward Edinger, The Mysterium Lectures, Lecture 21

In my case, my primary function is intuition. The problem of intuition is that it can as easily be right as wrong. Therefore, I need to weigh “what I think” and “what I feel” on any given intuition. Sensation being my inferior function, it cannot be easily brought into the mix though I make an effort every now and then.

If you’ve never tried using more than one function, a simple exercise is to choose a topic and start freely talking or writing about it. First, try starting every sentence with “I think” (or any equivalent like “my mind thinks”, “my thinking function informs me that”) and, after a while, start your sentences with “I feel” (or “my heart feels”, “my feeling function tells me that”). If you give this exercise a try, you might experience a striking difference between the sentences that start with “I think” and the ones that start with “I feel”.

This is in fact the essence of my journaling practice, inspired by Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages. I unload on paper everything that bothers me until I am able to start exploring my feelings, or whatever is underneath the problems I am experiencing. In other words, when I am conflicted about something, I first explore “what I think” and, once I have exhausted that function, I start to explore “what I feel”.

Given this is how my functions are prioritized and that I am introverted, this act of negotiation might be different for you. The main point is that one should learn to balance these functions with each other.

Mind-body-heart Negotiation – Adding the Body and the Heart

Outside of the four psychological functions, we need to consider that the body has a kind of intelligence that is worth getting acquainted with.

When I was with my Somatic Experiencing therapist, she pointed out every time I changed positions or when my breathing was altered. She also asked me to locate emotions or discomfort in my body, as well as noticing differences between how the left side of my body felt compared to how the right side felt.

It’s clear to me that the body intelligently reacts to language, thoughts, attitudes, and will betray you when you are out of your depth. A common issue I have noticed in myself is me shaking my head left to right (as if I was saying no) when talking to someone. As soon as I notice this happening, I reconsider what I am saying. It’s as if my body is disagreeing with the words I am using. At other times, I can feel shivers around my skin while hearing other people talk, which makes me pay closer attention to what is being shared.

There are two more centers of the body that should be talked about: the gut and the heart. In my understanding, the gut is responsible for all instinctive decisions, whereas the heart is a mediator between many contradictory impulses.

I have learned to value instinctive reactions more than any intellectual decisions. Thus I never ignore gut instincts when they happen. Similarly, I put a lot of emphasis on observing my heart responses: if I feel my heart sinks down or feels constricted when I approach a topic or an event, I know something is off. On the other hand, if my heart feels like it’s opening or brightening up, I assume that I can safely rely on what is being discerned.

I have gone fairly quickly about all these concepts because I am no expert at this. The main takeaway I would like the reader to keep is that one should include body responses such as gut instincts and heart reactions into their process of conscious discernment. This is what I mean by mind-body-heart negotiation.

If you want to read more about this, I can only recommend a few books.

Anything by Peter A. Levine, the originator of Somatic Experiencing.

Maté, Gabor. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress (video)

Miller, Alice. The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting

Van der Kolk, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

I recommend this video as an introduction to the subject of mind-body unity.

Mind-body-heart Negotiation – The Curious Case of C3I

A few years ago, I found the work of Stéphane Leroy, a French doctor. He teaches a few unconventional techniques and the one that is of interest here is his C3I or “Cohérence Cérébro-Cardio-Intestinale” (Cerebro-Cardio-Intestinal Coherence).

The basic idea is that we have three essential centers of life, all connected by the vagus nerve. These centers are known in different cultures, and we’ll use the traditional term of dantian. The lower dantian can be approximated by the gut and is a center of vitality, presence, and libido. The middle dantian is the heart, a center of love and discernment. Finally, the upper dantian is the mind and a center of wisdom. The idea then is, when we are struggling with a choice, to engage all three centers in a process of alignment.

In practice, Leroy prescribes five steps:

Step 1 -Relax into a meditative state by breathing slowly. This will engage the parasympathetic system and stimulate the vagus nerve. Without this mandatory step, the vagus nerve as an “information highway” will not be able to engage the three centers.

Step 2 – With a clear and precise intention about the problem you are having, let a symbol emerge spontaneously from within. That symbol will be the container of the problem you are trying to address. For instance, being undecided about a topic, the color red can spontaneously show up from within.

Once that symbol is obtained, we can “present it” to our three centers by “traveling” along the vagus nerve. “Presenting” means to focus your attention with the symbol on a specific dantian.

Step 3 – Present the symbol to the lower dantian, the gut. Pay attention to how it responds.

Step 4 – Present the symbol to the upper dantian, the mind. Pay attention to how it responds.

Step 5 – Present the symbol to the middle dantian, the heart. Pay attention to how it responds.

The idea here is to integrate those three centers by first visiting the gut, then the mind before landing on the heart. By doing this, we have a nuanced and integrative approach to making choices.

Many people will be disappointed to hear that this technique is only taught in French and at a cost (YouTube presentation). Given how frequently I use it, I could not avoid talking about it. I use this on every occasion I can: I use it to decide which books to read or videos to watch, what food to order at a restaurant, which events to take part in, etc. This practice appears to be almost infinitely flexible and it has proved itself in enough times for me to consider it to be essential to share.

Note: since writing this article, the official website numenprocess.fr has closed. For the sake of preserving this valuable knowledge, the C3I material can be accessed here in French.

Mind-body-heart Negotiation – Muscle Testing

Finally, another way to rely on the body instead of the mind is practicing muscle testing. Here is a video of how it is being used in practice.

Essentially, muscle testing is a way to test how strongly the body autonomously reacts to a given thought or information. After some necessary calibrations (usually done by asking trivial questions such as “is your name X? Is your name Y?”), you’ll notice that the body has a clear yes answer and a clear no answer. From that point onwards, one can ask reliable questions to the body and learn to detect its yes or no answers.

Having been to a chiropractor and a kinesiologist, I have been very impressed by what can be achieved by muscle testing. The kinesiologist was able to detect an emotional stress, give the body part where it was stuck, provide the date of the conflict, and detail the nature of the problem just by repeated muscle testing. If this wasn’t impressive enough, she was doing it for my two-year old (who was too young to go through the procedure) by using my body as a surrogate.

In any case, one does not need to go to an expert to practice muscle testing. It is a technique that can be learnt in two minutes such as the one in the video below.

Given how simple muscle testing is, I would recommend it to anyone reading this article. It’s easy to learn and responds to almost any inquiry that is clearly articulated.

I sadly have never been too good at it, at least compared to what I’ve seen other people do. But muscle testing is still one of my go-to for making choices that involve the body if I am not relaxed enough for a C3I.

The main advantages of muscle testing are that it’s much faster than the C3I and the results are immediately testable. This allows me to test almost every food or health product that I plan to use or consume.

Social Feedback – Paying Attention to Social Cues

Once we are oriented with our dreams and are working in an integrative manner (i.e., using a mind-body-heart negotiation), we can start acting out our alchemical processes in the real world. This means starting drafts, prototypes, sending invitations, trying new things, learning new habits or relearning an old one, … anything that is actionable and ripe for criticism.

Kickstarting something new sounds great in theory but, in reality, it should be a humbling undertaking. It’s not about doing something greater than you, it’s about doing things that are “below you”, the things that call for your attention but that you’d rather not attend to. Thus if you start exercising, you might have to learn the couch to 5K. If you need to pick reading again, you’ll struggle to consistently read a few pages every day.

In any case, by acting out the careful mixture of ideas, feelings, and instincts into the real world, people will react to it. Here is the crucial thing: let your actions speak for you and pay attention to how people react. In my experience, people will tell you exactly what you need to know about what you are doing. There are all kinds of verbal or nonverbal clues that will help you to understand if you’ve made any mistake along the road or not.

For a personal example, after three months of being with my girlfriend, we met with some family members and my aunt started joking about “what color is going to be the wedding dress?” While this is seemingly unimportant, it clearly meant that she approved our relationship to become more serious. A week later, reflecting on the fact that everyone up to this point has been positive towards our relationship, I decided to propose to her.

As Jordan Peterson says, we outsource the problems of sanity to others. Maybe you’ve been inflated this whole time and are running towards a dead end. Or maybe you are acting in a forthright manner. Who really knows? Social feedback, coupled with the previous steps, will be able to testify whether you are engaged with the right things or not.

Conclusion

To conclude, I am making a case that one needs to rely on more than one framework of orientation. I’ve laid out which ones I used and why.

This came at a moment in my life where I was cornered by anxiety. Every choice that I made was carefully thought through but this was having disastrous effects on my health and started to invade my dreams with nightmares. At an intellectual level, everything was tightly argued. But at an existential level, nothing was working the way it should.

To remedy that, I had to give up on thinking about what the future should be. And I also had to resign myself to the fact that I was bad at making plans. Without any plans about the future to hold onto, I was forced to rely on dreams and the intelligence of the body to live every day in a pitch black confusion.

It took a few months to get good at it, as I was making a lot of mistakes at the beginning. But I reached a point where every small step forward felt like I was doing the right thing: my anxiety diminished, my conscience started to let me breathe, my dreams became more peaceful, and people started reacting positively to me. For the first time in my life, the ground under my feet was solid even though I was clueless about where I was going.

This is the motivation behind writing this article. I hope it brings a partial answer to people whose choices continually backfire on them the way they did on me.

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