Paranoia Agent is a 13-episode murder mystery centered around Shonen Bat, an otherworldly aggressor carrying a golden bat, whose victim selection leaves the detective team after him bewildered.

Like all other works directed by Satoshi Kon, the story abundantly superposes psychological drama and surreal imagery, a mix of dreamlike symbolism that lends itself to be approached from the standpoint of analytical psychology.

This article intends to discuss the series from a psychological perspective, looking at the development of the main characters to see what led them to encounter Shonen Bat (literally “Bat Boy” in Japanese, translated as Lil’ Slugger in the English version).

While not necessary, it is recommended that the viewer watches the whole anime before reading this article. There are a great number of visual subtleties that cannot be transcribed to text. Moreover, given the complexity of the story, this article will omit several subplots for the sake of an already lengthy commentary.

At time of writing, the entire anime can be found freely on YouTube subbed, or dubbed.

One of the most memorable moments of Paranoia Agent is its opening, which succinctly encapsulates the theme of the series.

Against some bombastic music, we see a disconcerting superposition of images of desolation, devastation, destruction, even death and suicide, while the characters are laughing hysterically without breaking their posture. This unnerving composition states that the serious events of the series are to be relativized as a kind of cosmic joke, whose purpose is not fully understandable

The human cast of Paranoia Agent.

After a shot of what appears to be the full cast of the series, two additional characters are introduced: an old man living on the moon and a boy wearing golden rollerblades while carrying a golden bat, respectively the Mysterious Old Man and Shonen Bat. This already gives us a clue that some of these characters are not fully human and will need to be approached differently.

The supernatural cast of Paranoia Agent: the Mysterious Old Man and Shonen Bat.

Symbolically speaking, the elephant in the room is the image of nuclear explosions, which appear both visually and in the first line of the opening song.

Raaiiyaa ra ra i yo ra sora ni migoto na kinoko no kumo
Raaiiyaa ra ra i yo ra komichi de e wo hamu kotori no gogo ha

which translates as

Raaiiyaa ra ra i yo ra a magnificent mushroom cloud in the sky
Raaiiyaa ra ra i yo ra on an afternoon of small birds eating feed on a path

Dream Island Obsessional Park performed by Susumu Hirasawa, translated lyrics

This begs the question of why this symbol is taking such a predominant place in the opening. To answer this, we can turn to the field of analytical psychology.

In the writings of Edward Edinger, we find an elucidating discussion about Sol, the symbol of the sun as it was referred to by the alchemists.

The positive aspect of Sol shows up in the phenomenology of certain religious and mystical experiences. William James has brought together quite a few examples of such experiences, the majority of which have to do with intense illuminations, intense light. […]

Other examples come up in nuclear explosion dreams. Nuclear explosions, you know, are miniature suns. I came across a remarkable dream of this nature some years ago. A middle-aged woman some years into analysis dreamt. [Optional: read the dream here.]

This dream indicates that the patient, who had been hiding out from life and had remained essentially in an unborn condition, is finally exposed to the intense effects of conscious existence. With that exposure, she is both born as a conscious being and at the same time starts to die as a corruptible mortal. Those two go together. Exposure to the principle of Sol both shatters the paradise state of ego-Self identity and also sets up the possibility of achieving, on a conscious level, the incorruptible nature of the preworldly paradise-represented by the bomb shelter that’s now turned into a holy city. She’s born into psychological existence and at the same time exposed to the reality of death; those opposites go hand in hand.

I think the basic imagery and message of this nuclear bomb dream is applicable to all such dreams, so it’s something to keep in mind. (Edward Edinger, The Mysterium Lectures, pp. 89-91)

In other words, consciousness is associated symbolically with light and the sun. Thus, “to be exposed to the light” is a symbol for coming into consciousness. Just as the day begins when the sun starts shining, we break out of the autopilot of instinctual life by making conscious decisions.

As consciousness develops, one gains leverage over life and yet loses access to a paradisal state of innocence and purity characteristic of childhood. As we develop, we feel increasingly vulnerable to the vicissitudes of life, the passing of time, and the corruptibility of existence. Things that were inconsequential when we were younger start to weigh on us. We feel the need to move away from dependency and to become responsible for our own life, in the hope of being somewhat prepared against the unpredictable nature of life.

But many things can go wrong when one develops towards maturity. If we are exposed to too much light at once, we risk being burned or much worse.

Another dangerous aspect of the Sol principle is that since it’s fire, too much of it can be destructive. The right amount is life-giving warmth and too much of it is annihilating. (ibid, p. 89)

Nuclear explosions are emblematic examples of the destructive aspect of coming into consciousness, of being exposed to too much reality at once. One is exposed to a light that is so intense that it is threatening to shatter the stability of the psyche.

We are facing a realization that is too much for us to handle. We have been altered from within and yet cannot integrate the novel insight into our personality, as it requires a complete reevaluation of what we thought life was up to that point.

Nuclear explosion at the beginning of Akira (1988).

From this discussion, we can intuit that each character of Paranoia Agent is experiencing his own version of a more or less destructive coming into consciousness. In fact, most of the cast will be brought to the brink of physical death by the intolerable psychological pain accompanying this increase of consciousness. And it’s when that suffering reaches a breaking point that Shonen Bat will strike, relieving them of a burden they can no longer endure.

To fully understand Shonen Bat’s modus operandi, each character’s development arc will be discussed in great detail, keeping the more difficult cases for the end.

Part One will discuss Yuichi Taira and Shogo Ushiyama, Harumi Chono and Maria, Makoto Kozuka, Taeko Hirukawa and Masami Hirukawa, and Misae Ikari.
Part Two will examine Keiichi Ikari, Shonen Bat and Maromi, Tsukiko Sagi, and Mitsuhiro Maniwa and the Mysterious Old Man.

In the second episode, we meet Yuichi Taira, a brilliant, athletic, and charismatic elementary school student for whom life is going more than well.

Yuichi: My name is Yuichi Taira. People call me Ichi [Japanese word for number one]. Why do they call me Ichi? Because I am number one at everything.
My grades are the best. I am great in sports as well. And of course, there’s my popularity! In every area, I’m always on top!
I’m the elite among all elites. I’m the hero who everybody loves!

Because Yuichi is known for wearing a cap and getting around on golden rollerblades, this gets him accused of being Shonen Bat, who has struck twice already. While this rumor is unfounded, it causes him to lose all popularity at school, which threatens his candidature for becoming the Student Council President.

Unable to come to terms with this gossip, Yuichi becomes convinced that Shogo Ushiyama, his main competitor for the Student Council President, is responsible for starting the rumor that has ruined his reputation.

No longer the center of attention, Yuichi is becoming resentful. His narcissistic rage is looking for an outlet and Shogo, who Yuichi believes to be the source of all his problems, has become his target.

As this episode continues, Yuichi tries to regain his status, but everything backfires spectacularly on him. For instance, his attempt at intimidating Shogo was caught on photo and distributed to the whole school. Even when he is found innocent after being interrogated by the detectives, being at the center of an investigation has made the rest of the school even more suspicious of him.

These many disappointments lead Yuichi to throw away his golden rollerblades and stop wearing his golden cap. Coming back home, he meets Shogo.

After rejoicing at the attack on his classmate, Yuichi quickly realizes that he is trapped once again: people will accuse him of having attacked Shogo to win the election. This puts him in a paranoid condition that he cannot navigate anymore.

In this surreal state, Yuichi is cheering at the apparition of Shonen Bat/Lil’ Slugger, as this will prove his innocence once and for all.

After the attack, we find him at a hospital feeling relieved.

Harumi: I came here to make you feel better. But you already seem to be doing well. You look more at ease than before.
Yuichi: Yes, it’s because I’ve been cleared.
Harumi: What?
Yuichi: I’m not a suspect anymore. Because, now, I’m a victim, too. Shonen Bat set me free!

Commentary

The events in this episode can be framed in precise psychological language: Yuichi’s grandiosity has been punctured and we see him attempting to regain his former status at all costs.

No longer carried by his charisma and social praise, Yuichi’s easy life and grandiose aspirations have been put to an abrupt end with the allegation of him being Shonen Bat. This forces him to adopt a more modest outlook on life, one under which still lurks a fanatical need for approval.

This fake resignation is made explicit when Yuichi has to be around Shogo in their last encounter. While Shogo is shown to be a truly good-hearted and hard-working person, his imperfections are unacceptable to Yuichi’s self-aggrandizing tendencies.

Yuichi: My life is nothing like yours!

In his immature grandiosity, Yuichi refuses to be compared to Shogo. To do so would require him to step down from a position of superiority and accept a wholeness that embraces inferiority, that being human comes with being flawed. Instead, we see Yuichi withdrawing into a narcissistic retreat, a fantasy where he is admired more than ever.

Instead of relating to Shogo in a vulnerable manner, Yuichi wishes harm on him so that he would be able to shine again. After the attack, Yuichi’s opportunism and lack of empathy are appalling.

This episode puts on full display the malicious rage behind narcissistic wounds. Social approval is addictive and to lose it comes with a panicked fear and a great deal of vulnerability, the inferiority behind a superiority complex as Alfred Adler would observe.

In an ideal world, losing status would be a great opportunity for developing wisdom and humility. But in reality, this process of maturity does not always take place. Immature people like Yuichi will feel greatly injured by such a loss and they will react with a dangerous mix of narcissistic rage and/or even more grandiose delusions.

One other compelling aspect of this episode is that we see the mechanism of scapegoating at play.

The appearance of Shonen Bat has created a great deal of anxiety in the collective and this uncertainty has been displaced onto Yuichi. In other words, Yuichi has become a scapegoat for the entire school.

Interestingly, the scapegoating does not end there. Feeling unjustly treated himself, Yuichi will also look for someone to blame. This is how Shogo will become Yuichi’s personal scapegoat, a dynamism similar to Cain and his brother Abel.

Scapegoating is a particularly vicious psycho-social phenomenon that attempts to diffuse collective (or personal) dysfunctions. This is done by blaming an innocent person as if they were the source of the entire problem. Once the innocent has been punished, the collective (or the individual) will feel vindicated and carry on their dysfunctional ways.

It should be apparent that the appeasement brought about by scapegoating can never last long. The problem will soon repeat and another innocent will have to be sacrificed to the cyclical inferno of collective violence.

Finally, we have our first clear indication of the ambiguous role of Shonen Bat. Despite targeting people out of nowhere, some of his victims appear to be relieved after the attack.

In the next episode, we are introduced to a prostitute named Maria. After she has finished working, she goes back home and listens to her answering machine where Harumi Chono, an office worker and tutor, has left her a message.

We quickly discover that Harumi and Maria are in fact the same woman. But her personality is so split that her inner dialogue cannot take place in an internalized manner and has to be relegated to the answering machine.

Stuck between the passionate and sensual Maria on one side and the polite, restrained, and dutiful Harumi on the other, Harumi experiences an existential crisis, not knowing who she is.

Unexpectedly, we find that Maria is the most reasonable out of the two subpersonalities. Despite the fact that she is being erased little by little, she wishes well on Harumi, hoping that she would realize her true self.

This inner relationship takes a turn for the worse when Harumi is asked in marriage by a coworker.

The duty-bound Harumi accepts the proposal. To make room for her future as a wife, she attempts to suppress her double life. This is not taken well by Maria.

Maria (on the answering phone): Hey! Aren’t you being too selfish?
Did you think I’d just disappear just because you want to get married?!

As Maria fights back against being repressed, Harumi’s mental state becomes less and less stable. As a last attempt, Harumi throws away Maria’s possession at the public landfill.

This in turn is revealed to be a trick by Maria, who threw Harumi’s possessions instead!

As her dissociation is getting worse, Harumi’s secret double personality is starting to leak into her life, affecting the people she meets and her husband.

Harumi’s distress reaches a maximum at the end of the episode.

After Shonen Bat’s blow, Harumi wakes up at the hospital. This new case garners interest from Keiichi Ikari and Mitsuhiro Maniwa, two detectives who have been following the case since the initial attack. Mitsuhiro comments on a pattern he has been observing.

Commentary

The fundamental problem with Harumi is not the existence of Maria as such, rather it is her inability to bridge the gap between her double life. If it is easily understandable that she must hide enjoying being a prostitute in a Japanese society, she does repress that side too much by identifying fully with her virtuous but hollow role as a researcher and tutor.

In psychological terms, Harumi is identified with what Jung has termed the persona. The persona is the ideal “I” that one presents in social circumstances, essentially a mask that facilitates social exchanges. While there is no issue with having a persona as such, problems arise when one suppresses one’s whole personality to fit the role that comes with such a mask. For all intents and purposes, Harumi’s ego has become fully identified with her role, a life determined by collective expectations, which muzzles the side of her authentic personality who is full of impassioned, playful sensuality.

By holding on to her persona so strongly, Harumi is unknowingly perpetuating a vicious cycle: the more she clings to her persona, the stronger the counter-reaction from Maria. This means that the split between them grows wider and wider which threatens her psychological stability. This problem appears to have been relieved by the attack from Shonen Bat.

It bears repeating that, throughout the whole episode, we get a sense that Maria is in fact closer to Harumi’s true personality than her persona is. Indeed, Harumi’s life is dispassionate, emotionless, guided by duty and her instincts are completely suppressed. There is no place for her authentic nature, not even in her own consciousness. This is highly criticized by Maria, who seeks integration in her conscious personality.

Maria (to Harumi): You don’t even know who you are. Don’t talk to me like you’re the victim.

Don’t lie! That’s not you. Harumi isn’t real!

I’m Maria. I’ve been here for a long time.

I’m totally different from you, acting so proper. That’s because you’re too worried about what other people think. I’m enjoying who I am!

Hey! Aren’t you being too selfish? Did you think I’d just disappear just because you want to get married?!

These few lines of dialogs epitomize the typical failed dialog between ego and shadow, a new concept that needs to be introduced for the situation to make sense.

In analytical psychology, the shadow is the unconscious part of the personality that contains qualities and flaws that the ego is not willing to own. In this case, Maria displays an unapologetic sexuality that Harumi will not concede, even just a little. Thus these shadow qualities remain split from her consciousness but longing for integration. When repeated attempts at integration are failing, the shadow’s protest becomes more and more forceful and can easily turn violent or cruel if it is unjustly resisted or repressed.

Why are you so dumb?! You’re the fake! Why don’t you just disappear now?

I told you so many times! …  I’ll never forgive you!

I want to be free too! You know what I mean. I want to be free! Why don’t you admit it now! You’re the fake!

Just shut up already! Looking at you makes me sick! … I want you to suffer more!

Despite the excessive confrontational tone, Maria’s position is understandable. Harumi represents the typical situation where the shadow has been caged for years, if not decades. This means that when an opportunity to come into consciousness happens, the shadow usually storms the ego-personality with a buildup of anger and rage that is distressing to be on the receiving end of.

Confronting the shadow positively is no small task because it is both the source of all our inferiorities and yet contains the aspect necessary for the renewal of the personality. On this topic, Jung writes that the alchemists who were engaged in inner work often found themselves surrounded by a black raven.

For us the raven seems only a funny allegory, but for the medieval adept it was, as we have said, a well-known allegory of the devil. Correctly assessing the psychic danger in which he stood, it was therefore of the utmost importance for him to have a favourable familiar as a helper in his work, and at the same time to devote himself diligently to the spiritual exercise of prayer; all this in order to meet effectively the consequences of the collision between his consciousness and the darkness of the shadow. Even for modern psychology the confrontation with the shadow is not a harmless affair, and for this reason it is often circumvented with cunning and caution. Rather than face one’s own darkness, one contents oneself with the illusion of one’s civic rectitude. (Carl Jung, Mysterium Coniunctionis, CW 14, par 742)

The frequent apparition of ravens throughout the episode confirms that it is indeed “a favourable familiar” for the work of the integration of the shadow. Specifically, ravens will interrupt Harumi every time she suppresses her shadow side by maintaining her useful but ultimately empty persona.

A third into the series, we learn that Shonen Bat has allegedly been captured by the police. The two detectives pick up the case and meet Makoto Kozuka, a young boy who thinks he is a holy knight.

As the interrogation continues, Makoto tells the story of a prophecy that has to be realized in order to defeat an ancient evil that goes by the name of Gohma. His responsibility as a holy knight is to strike people who are “glowing red”.

Makoto: The red light leads me. Those who are possessed by Gohma glow red because of the pain. That light can only be seen by the Holy Warriors.

The two detectives react very differently to Makoto’s testimony. The rational and pragmatic Keiichi Ikari does not entertain any of it. On the other hand, Mitsuhiro Maniwa, his assistant, realizes that there is some logic to the madness. Makoto might be stuck in a fantasy, but it is a consistent one.

Keiichi: You think you can fool a grown man with this ridiculous made-up story of yours?!
Makoto: Holy Warriors do not tell lies.
Keiichi (exasperated): You punk…
Mitsuhiro: But Chief, if you think about it, for the most part, his statement mostly corroborates the incident.

Mitsuhiro realizes that Makoto is retelling the events of the attacks through the lens of a roleplaying book, where every victim has been transformed into a monster by Gohma. To continue the interrogation, he decides to play along and enters Makoto’s fantasy by pretending to be a wandering minstrel.

Still within Makoto’s fantasy, the next part of the story is about meeting the Ancient Master, who happens to be the recurring character of the Mysterious Old Man.

The ancient Master prophesizes that Gohma’s next prey is a butterfly, which is a cryptic reference to Harumi/Maria. After a long fight sequence in his fantasy, Makoto manages to rescue her but still ends up defeated.

Unfortunately, Makoto’s testimony led the interrogation to a dead end and the detectives have to move on to another lead.

A bit later in the series, they will come back to interrogate Makoto with some new information. They will confront him over the fact that his version of the story is incompatible with the facts regarding the first aggression.

In short, Makoto is found to be an imposter. He is not Shonen Bat and has been lying all along. While it is true that he did attack some people, he is not responsible for most of the cases.

With the real perpetrator still on the loose, the investigation continues. Who is going to be the next casualty of Shonen Bat? How does he select his victim?

By that point, Mitsuhiro has figured out that the real Shonen Bat strikes people who have been driven to extreme psychological distress that they can no longer tolerate. Alerted by this revelation, the detective team rushes back to the interrogation cell to check on Makoto.

But they arrive too late. Shonen Bat has already killed Makoto and he magically escapes through the walls of the prison while Keiichi and Mitsuhiro assist powerlessly.

This unexplainable event is covered up by the authorities with a story of suicide and by laying off the two detectives for professional negligence.

Commentary

What exactly pushed Makoto Kozuka to identify with Shonen Bat? Why would one want to be in the likes of a serial aggressor?

We get a sense that Makoto is practicing escapism: he is caught in the fantasy of being a chosen one, a hero who fights evil and is going to save the world.

If that fantasy certainly does have some allure, that fictional life is not his to live. As the detective points out, the reality is that Makoto cannot do anything on his own, he can only imitate others. He is not a holy warrior but a “two-bit copycat”.

These words push Makoto into the painful realization that he can no longer sustain his fantasy life. He must grow up and face the demands of the real world, something that he is unable to do. Cornered mentally and physically, Shonen Bat ‘rescues’ him by delivering a fatal blow, saving him from a future that has become too difficult to shoulder.

Psychologically speaking, Makoto exhibits a specific trait that has been termed puer aeternus, which translates as “eternal youth”. And this is precisely the case, Makoto is a teenager who wants to remain in the wonders of childhood and video games.

It must be said that there is a lot to be cynical about adult life, especially in modern Japan. One has to continually overwork with little to no time for family life. This leads the youth to consider the demoralizing prospect that their future will be the same one as their absent, worn-out, and sometimes divorced dads. No wonder young boys would recoil at this.

Having said that, avoiding the problem is no answer either. Life is going to keep making demands on us and time is short. Young boys have up to a decade to grow from teenagers into young men. If the twenties are a fertile time to prospect, explore, and experiment, no one will want to deal with a man in his thirties who has remained a child.

Not many realize how serious this failure to launch really is. Not only does the future look dismal but most young men are demoralized beyond comprehension. Whether it is fatherlessness, a toxic cultural milieu, an educational system that has become focused on girls and hostile to boys’ developmental needs, the list goes on and on. Young men are completely disoriented and the few ones who managed to cultivate some virtues are being ignored at best or bullied at worst.

It’s in this context that we must realize that, if young men are stuck in childhood needs, it’s because the bridge to masculine adulthood is broken. The only thing that is left are virtual worlds, from social networks to video games and pornography, where young men can live safely albeit vicariously. Afraid or unable to step into their own life, they spend their days in digital hero’s journeys and anonymous interactions, hoping to find one day the right opportunity, the right moment, the right girl… not knowing that it never works that way. One has to commit to life otherwise it will never start. When unlived life starts accumulating, things will become harder to get going, not easier.

Between the unavoidable pressures of having to grow up and the horror of doing so, the solution would have been typically found in male initiation and male confirmation. But this knowledge has been lost and there are no competent ritual elders around anyway. What’s left is the disastrous loneliness of having to do it all alone. If there is no elder anymore, I must become one. If there is no father figure around, I must father myself. If no initiation rites exist, I must make my own. And so we grind our teeth at the world, pulsing with the wounded hope that it cannot be worse than it currently is anyway.

Remaining in a dependent childhood is no solution. Losing oneself to bigger-than-life fantasies of saving the world is escaping the problem. Growing into what society wants is a dead-end. One must then find a way to mature into a responsible and autonomous adult without having to sacrifice everything. In a discussion about Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s The Little Prince, Marie-Louise von Franz writes.

We see here that he has never really got into the world of the adult. He speaks about its emptiness, its idiocy and its meaninglessness. There is the talk about bridge and politics and neckties, it is true, but that is the kind of adult world one rightly rejects – it is persona emptiness. But he omits other aspects of adult life as well. You see in the feeling-tone of this first part that he means that the childhood life is the fantasy life, the artist’s life, and that is the true life and all the rest is empty persona running after money, making a prestige impression on other people, having lost one’s true nature, so to speak. That is how he sees adult life, for he has not found a bridge by which he could take over what we would call the true life into adult life. That is the great problem, I think, in a nutshell; namely, how can one pull out of this fantasy life of youth and youthfulness without losing its value? How can one grow up without losing the feeling of totality and the feeling of creativeness and of being really alive, which one had in youth?

One can be cynical about it and say that one cannot have the penny and the cake—it has to be sacrificed—but from my experience I do not think that this is quite right. It is justifiable not to want to give up this other world. The question is, how can one grow up and not lose it? The great problem is that you can drive people out of this childhood paradise and fantasy life, in which they are in close connection with their true inner self on an infantile level, but then they are completely disillusioned and cynical. (Marie-Louise von Franz, The Problem of the Puer Aeternus)

Makoto could not grow up without having a bridge between the fantasy play of childhood and the responsibility of adulthood. And so Shonen Bat took away the thing he could not endure anymore, his own life and future.

However, not all of Makoto’s fantasies were without value. As we will discuss in Part Two, Mitsuhiro, the assistant detective, has been deeply impacted by the symbolic stream in which Makoto inadvertently found himself.

Note: the next part deals with topics of prostitution, suicide, and abuse of children. It is recommended for people who are sensitive to these topics to skip to the next character (Misae Ikari) or, at the very least, to not watch the videos.

Taeko Hirukawa is the 17-year-old daughter of Masami Hirukawa, a busy police agent who is dedicated to building a dream house for his family.

But the reality is nowhere that pretty.

Behind his role as a helpful police agent and hard-working father, we find out that Masami has a double life, full of corruption and vices. His status as a police agent gives him a unique position to cover up other criminals. For instance, we see him helping out a group of yakuza to run a prostitution ring… as long as he gets his part of the deal.

While we have some context that Masami is a less than ideal father, we do not know why the relationship between him and his daughter has degraded to the point where Taeko will refuse to come home.

Taeko (to her father, on the phone): How dare you call me?
Liar. I don’t believe it.
No… That place is not my home. 
I wish the house would disappear!

This was not always so.

While Taeko is wandering away from her parent’s house, we assist to a few memories of hers. Many of them center around her childhood, a time when she enjoyed being around her father, seeing him as a protective figure.

What happened to Taeko for her to staunchly reject her father? We assist to the memory of that event, which is by far the most sobering scene in the entire series.

After realizing the depths of the corruption of his father, Taeko tries to end her life to take her revenge, wanting to inflict lasting guilt upon him.

Taeko (to her father, on the phone): Remember? When I was a child…
Those were happier days…
I’ll destroy everything of yours. I’ll undo every bit of your happiness!

Her attempt fails and she cries out for help.

Taeko: Please, help me. What am I supposed to do?
I want to forget. Forget everything.
I want to become nothing.

At this point, Shonen Bat strikes her.

Next, we find her at the hospital with her father.

The attack of Shonen Bat has left Taeko amnesiac. She forgot her father, her past, and her own identity, bringing her back to the state of serene and naïve innocence of her childhood.

Commentary

The story of Taeko is an extreme example of the challenge of coming to terms with the horrifying reality of adulthood.

For development to happen, children have to live in a protected and idealized bubble. They can explore the world carefree, without noticing that the foundations of the world are soaked in blood, sweat, and tears.

As we grow older, we start to notice progressively that things are not what we believed. Everything is not just a bit flawed, but unacceptably imperfect. People, institutions, even family members, appear corrupt beyond belief.

This makes us cynical about the world and, to a certain point, we necessarily have to. Isn’t there an unbelievable horror in the simple things that we take for granted? How many animals are slaughtered for us to get through the day? How much deforestation is taking place? How much child labor is involved in the production of electronic devices? And how many people are breaking themselves in half for us to enjoy the sometimes empty comfort of modern life?

The impersonal nature of such facts however pales in comparison to uncovering matters that are closer to us. Discovering family secrets will come as a punch to the gut that is very difficult to recover from.

When we find that parts of our family tree are rotten, it is very tempting to want to saw off the branch and start anew. But this will not work either. Chopping our own roots will only make us sicker in the long run.

The family tree, no matter how putrid, has to be honored in some respect. It is our ties to our parents, our grandparents, our way-back ancestors, and ultimately to the origin of life itself. History and culture ran through them and shall continue running through us.

All this is to say that the process of confrontation with the reality of the world beyond its initial idealizations must happen progressively. If it goes too fast or happens too early, it will be irrecoverably destructive such as is the case with Taeko.

This leaves us with a small discussion on Masami, the father.

His initial rise to success in the world of crime reached a limit when he encountered a bigger fish than him.

This more dangerous criminal, Makabe, will continually blackmail Masami for money, forcing him to resort to stealing and burglary to pay the excessive amount of money that is being asked.

Having to continually harm citizens eventually starts to wear Masami’s conscience and mental state. Alone in the night and half drunk, he begs to be stopped.

But no one will come to help, at least not the real Shonen Bat. Masami is stuck in a hell of his own making that no one will rescue him from.

When we read Dante’s The Divine Comedy, we find that the deepest pits of Hell are not fire and brimstones but covered in frozen ice and bone-chilling cold, a symbolism that is found in many other religious texts.

And the angel that was with me answered and said unto the angel of that place: Open the mouth of the well, that Paul the dearly beloved of God may behold; for power hath been given unto him to see all the torments of hell.  [….] I inquired, “Lord, is there no fire nor heat in this place?” He said to me, “In this place is nothing else but cold and snow.” He further said to me, “Even if the sun rose upon them, they would not be warmed, because of the excessive cold of this place and the snow.” (Apocryphal of Paul)

This goes a long way to explain the opening shot of Masami, showing him isolated among frozen peaks.

Misae Ikari is the wife of Keiichi Ikari, the chief detective. She was born with a poor constitution, which strongly limited her options in life. She never believed she would make it to adulthood, nor thought she would ever marry anyone. This all changed when she met Keiichi who loved her unconditionally, even when he learned that she would not be able to bear children.

Misae: We’d wanted to have a family but soon learned that I was unable to bear children. My body wasn’t strong enough for childbirth. I was in complete despair. I was too ashamed to face my own husband. And I have never cursed myself as much as I did then.
But despite all of my problems… He still forgave me. He held me tightly, and said, “No matter what happens we’ll deal with it.” And then I started to cry. I buried my head in his arms and I cried for a long time. You can search the whole world and never find someone as noble and high-minded as him.

This retelling of her past is happening while she is facing Shonen Bat, who was let in by her considering putting an end to her life.

Misae’s poor health has always been a deep insecurity of hers. Being a burden to others, especially to her husband, is something that she cannot come to terms with. As a way to compensate, she is dedicated to being the best housewife she can be for her husband.

But since her husband got laid off after Kozuka’s death, life has become more difficult for them. Misae’s health is deteriorating and her medical expenses are piling up. It has come to the point where she needs to undergo an expensive and potentially deadly operation to keep on living.

Facing this grim prospect, she does waiver while facing Shonen Bat but ultimately refuses to give in, delivering a speech for the ages.

There is very little one can add to the speech above. Misae has affirmed life while accepting the suffering that comes with it. She has realized that Shonen Bat can only offer a fake salvation to the problems of existence. By seeing through this scheme and refusing to take part in it, Shonen Bat is forced to leave her alone.

Commentary

In my experience, to affirm life is not a grandiose statement, nor is it martyrdom.

We affirm life when we accept that there is an adversarial aspect to life that is meaningful. The opposition to our actions, plans, and desires is not arbitrary but a cooperative endeavor with life itself.

This means that the most unjust and painful things that happened to us did in fact happen for a reason. We signed an invisible pact between the perceived enemy and us. We agreed that someone would help us to change course if we failed to do so, that someone would stop us if we were going the wrong way. We hired the best of the best, friends and foes alike, to challenge us to the utmost degree.

We are always dancing with others, and they will dance with us as long as we dance correctly. When we stop listening to the music, they will first attempt to correct us in a gentle manner. If we are able to listen and correct ourselves, the dance will continue without much of a break. But if we fail to listen, difficulties will begin. First, our partners will play tricks on us to get us back in the dance. If this does not work, they will attempt to stop us forcefully if necessary. And if that does not work either, inflicting pain becomes an option that will be considered. One should not underestimate the endless creativity that is available to the unseen forces guiding us through our fate and destiny.

Adversarial experiences, no matter how brutal or unjust they appear to be, always happen for a reason. The proof is to be found in the intensity of the experience. The more severe the experience, the more meaning is packed into it. The wisdom to be mined from a given experience is always proportional to how difficult it is to integrate into our lives.

To affirm life is ultimately a leap of faith, not a rational decision. It is to assume that life has our best interest at heart and yet it is willing to make us go through incomprehensible hardships so that we can learn or teach lessons. We are not merely helpless victims at the hands of violent perpetrators (or vice-versa), but partners in the enigma of life.

It is my deepest conviction that life is fundamentally good. The dance never stopped, it’s us who are not hearing the music anymore. What will it take to be able to hear it again?

Part Two continues here.

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